There's absolutely no question about it.

This is my all-time, favourite subject when it comes to the world of self-development. Because if people really understood it, they would instantly skip the need for 90% of the self-help courses out there.

I'm talking about SELF-PITY.

Now, let me ask you a question.

How many of us go around feeling sorry for ourselves?

Oh, come on. Admit it. We all do at times. It's entirely natural.

It's fantastic fun to wallow in a little self-pity. Reminding ourselves how terrible the world is. How we've simply not been given the opportunities we need. How it's unfair that we've lost money, health, friends. How people are just plain against us.

We're the victim. And self-pity allows us to give ourselves a little consolatory pat on the back.

Ironically, it actually feels good because we're proving ourselves right in the first place.

"Yes, Karl. You always thought you were worthless. People said you weren't, but you knew it really. And look at what happened to you today! Pah! It proves it. You are worthless. Oh, what a horrid world!"

See what I mean? Think about it.

And it's strange, because most of us don't realize just how often we indulge in self-pity. Most of us play the victim over and over again, many dozens of times each day.

We do it when we're moaning about our jobs. When we're worried about our looks. When we're questioning fate. When we're envious. In fact, it's so engrained into our lives, we do it almost automatically.

But self-pity is the very worst emotion. More so than anger, greed or any of the other baddies.

Self-pity eats up everything else around it, leaving only itself standing. It's destructive, it's addictive, and it's habitual. It leaves you feeling powerless.

Yet self-pity also holds the key to eternal happiness - and true self-development, if only you understand it correctly.

You see, if you truly learned to let go of all of your self-pity, then you would be happy. Naturally. Because self-pity is the only barrier to happiness.

Or, to put it all a lot simpler:

Stop feeling sorry for yourself - and you will be happy!

Stop moaning about work. Or how crazy your kids are. Or why that person is always rude to you. Or how life, fate, God, is just plain unfair.

Yes - life is sometimes cruel. And yes - it may be 100% true that you've been dealt one really crap hand. It's annoying, it's frustrating, it makes you want to weep. There we go.

BUT.

Why bother feeling sorry for yourself?

All it does is zap all of your energy and leave you apathetic.

Self-pity may feel good at first - but when it hardens, it'll leave you empty and bitter.

So, once again, here it is. The quickest, simplest, easiest, most direct method of changing your life for good. A method that will enable you to instantly become happier, and which will alter the way you view the world forever:

STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.

Stop it. And you will be happy. It really is as simple as that.

There's more self-development in that one sentence alone than almost every self-help course in the world.

So, if you take nothing else from this book, take just that one sentence and make it a part of your everyday life. Every time you feel a tinge of personal sorrow, a flicker of self-pity - just think "Hey, stop feeling sorry for yourself!" - buck up, and get on with it.

The more you do it, the more it'll become part of your personality, the more it'll seriously change your life.

And the simple technique will change your life. That's my personal promise to you.

It's a great first step in removing your own inner limitations, and shifting you further toward true freedom, self-development and happiness.

Labels: inspiration, self-development

You know, there's a high probability that we're never met before.

And yet, I already know quite a bit about you.

I know that you're a highly motivated individual with a strong desire for change. You're probably spiritual, successful, and likely the most energetic and enthusiastic member of your social circle. You're also shockingly intelligent.

Oh, yes. And you're bloody damn sensitive.

You are! You really are! I'm telling you already.

I may have never met you before, but I'm telling you that for a fact. And that's a really great thing, because there are a lot of highly insensitive individuals out there in the world. So you're a limited edition.

You have the ability to read people better than most. You're able to take the best steps to ensure the right people are pleased. And you're flexible enough to change and adapt to your environment. You're a social chameleon.

BUT.

In order to achieve true self-development and inner happiness, you must take this next step.

You must let go of wanting approval - and you must stop being so sensitive.

Right now, in simple terms, you spend too much of your time trying to please everyone. You're trying to keep everyone happy, you're hoping the right people like you, you're wishing people approved of your lifestyle. You're being way too damn sensitive about the whole game of life.

And that causes us to become entangled in our emotions. It stops us from living authentically as ourselves and moving forward with our lives.

This section is really a quick practical pep talk to remind you to... STOP!

Have you ever walked into an office - and it instantly quietened? The loud laughs are reduced to a fluttering whisper - and you wonder, you just wonder, what was happening a few moments ago?

Or you're introduced to that beautiful someone at the party - and moments later, they make an excuse and exit the conversation?

Stop being so sensitive.

The office was probably planning your birthday party. And the guy at the party likely had a bad case of Delhi Belly.

Your viewpoint is always relative. You'll never understand situations from a neutral standpoint, so stop being so sensitive and move on.

Or perhaps you've accidentally fallen into the trap of trying to please everyone at the same time?

You're running around like a mad man, trying to ensure that everyone is kept happy. You change your personality to suit each character - and at the end of the day, you're burnt out. Only to start again tomorrow.

Long story short: You cannot please everyone. Full stop. Get over it!

By trying to shape-shift your personality to match the many hundreds of people you encounter each year, you'll not only be left feeling drained, and lacking in self-esteem - you'll also realize that you're living without authenticity.

You are not being YOU.

And to be yourself, says Joseph Campbell, is the highest honour anyone is granted.

So, be yourself.

By that, I mean REALLY yourself. The inner self that wants to say "NO!" more often than you do. The inner self that feels proud that it's being genuine, rather than putting on an act. The REAL YOU.

By being more authentic, you'll automatically find yourself surrounded with quality individuals that more closely match your personality. You'll begin enjoying life more, and find yourself more immersed in life's experiences. You'll become real, without any need to hide or change.

And, ironically, people end up liking you more when this side of your personality emerges. By letting go of wanting approval - that desperate, clingy yearning - you automatically gain approval.

So, let's recap this simple and practical rule once again.

Stop being so darn sensitive - and stop wanting approval.

You'll NEVER understand a full situation, so don't let it get to you. You'll NEVER get everyone to like you or your lifestyle, so don't even bother. And you'll NEVER truly understand any other human being on this whole planet, so let them all go jump.

When you place the power of your own approval on something outside of yourself, you will NEVER experience true happiness or self-development.

So:

STOP being sensitive. And STOP wanting the approval of others.

And you will experience more happiness, spiritual fulfilment and authenticity in your life.

Labels: inspiration, self-development

We've all heard it about a million times before.

Live in the moment. Seize the day. Be happy NOW.

In fact, I'm willing to bet that you've heard it so many times, it seizes to really mean anything anymore. Right?

Let's be honest. If everyone in the world decided to treat each moment as if it were their last, we'd spend our life savings on fast cars, expensive champagne and dubious encounters one day - then regret it all the next.

No. Being happy now is not about being extreme.

But rather it's about making a decision to not put off your happiness until tomorrow.

You know, there's a popular sign in UK pubs that reads:

"Free Beer Tomorrow!"

And it always makes me smile. Because, of course, tomorrow never comes.

Most of us spend our time putting off happiness until some future point. Next week, next month, next year. At one point in my life, I spent about seven years working like a dog - and telling myself "Don't worry, I'll be happy next year!"

Of course, next year never came.

Here are a couple of quick home-truths:

Firstly, you might be dead tomorrow. You really might. You might not even make tomorrow. The only thing you know that you have for sure is this very moment. Realize that!

Secondly, you'll die with a TODO list. You won't ever get everything sorted. Accept that and move on. Don't put off your smile just because you're waiting to "finish" everything.

Make the decision to be happy now.

Ask yourself: If not now, when?

Let's do a little experiment.

Try to randomly catch yourself at some point today, and check what you're thinking about.

You might be in the past: Thinking about what happened last week, how that person spoke to you, what a great time you had at the party, how embarrassed you were about the wine incident.

You might be in the future: Worried about what you did and how it'll cause you problems, concerned about how the holiday will eventually work out, fretting over future IRS investigations.

But I'm willing to bet that you are NOT in the present.

Your mind will be thinking about anything but now!

You see, we each spend 95% of our time either reconstructing the past or daydreaming about the future. Yet we rarely spend any time actually in this very moment!

And our real happiness lies here - in this single moment.

By learning to live more for and in the moment, we become happier people - which is, ultimately, one of the most important goals in the self-development journey.

So, realize to yourself that this moment is all you have. It's the only time you have to change or do anything.

In fact: You are only what exists in this moment.

Are you happy right now? Have you been truly living in the moment? What would you change in this moment to make you feel better? Could you follow your bliss even more?

For a moment, join me in a quick exercise.

Sit there right now, and consider your thoughts. Try for a moment to get into the now.

Let's think about what matters. We only have this moment, we know that. So forget about the past -it's history. It'll never come back and it doesn't matter to us right now. And ignore the future - it's just a fantasy right now.

Think about what really matters - this very moment.

Get lost in the moment and discover what's really important. You should find yourself freeing up, opening, feeling more happy and alive. You become more aware of your breathing, your heart, your body.

Gone are your worries of the past. Gone are your fears of the future. Gone are crazy labels, like pain or embarrassment. The only thing which matters is this moment, and how you react to it.

Make a decision to smile, too. Because happiness is now!

So, the next time you reach a red light - and suddenly stop singing your favourite song, because nearby drivers are watching - make the decision to be happy now, and continue blasting out that tune!

The next time you decide to save your best clothes and favourite perfume for that elusive rainy day - make the decision to be happy now, and dress smart and smell great!

The more we live for this moment, the happier we become.

Try doing the above exercise each morning, or whenever you're feeling stressed. It'll help put things back into perspective.

So, stop putting off your happiness until tomorrow - and you'll naturally become a happier person, and take a quantum leap in your self-development journey.

Remember:

If not now, when?

Labels: inspiration, self-development

The world would be a wonderful place.

If it wasn't so full of people.

Honestly. It's jam-packed full of them. And whilst they may be the source of one big bag of pleasure, they're also the cause of much of our pain.

This rule is about realizing, on a very deep level, that we'll never really understand any of them - and that we just have to love them for that very reason!

Let's be honest. We all try to be nice and self-developed. And calm. And peaceful. And lovely.

But sometimes you find someone that has the ability to press the wrong buttons within you.

Almost without realizing it, the boiling emotions inside explode into an outrage and you lose your temper. Later, you feel annoyed with yourself - as though you've sinned against the holy doctrine of self-development.

Surely someone that is "self-developed," per se, wouldn't have such an outburst?

Pah. Nothing could be further from the truth.

One of the great lessons in the world of self-development is to realize that, despite Miss Marple's theory, people are in fact all very, very different.

Many people in the world are - let's face it - just weird.

They say things they don't mean. They mean things they don't say.

They act in weird ways that just don't make sense. They hide things they shouldn't be embarrassed about. They please people they shouldn't be bothered about pleasing. They remain in relationships that continue to harm them.

They don't listen to sound advice. They are continuously unreliable, unlike your good self. They seem totally unable to keep a single friend. They're socially awkward. They're inhibited in almost every area of their lives. They don't know how to let their hair down.

People are just plain weird sometimes.

You're right. Absolutely. I'm on your side.

We understand that.

So, here's the revelation: yes, they're like that. That's life. It's not going to change. People are sometimes weird, fruity screw-ups and you're not going to change it.

Get used to it. And get over it.

You will never find another person on this planet that thinks just like you, so don't bother trying.

If you're searching for that ideal soul mate, don't look for someone who thinks just like you. Firstly, they don't exist, you narcissist. Secondly, wouldn't that all just be a bit boring?

You see, the real teaching here is that yes, everyone is different. We're all weird in some ways. But that's really what makes life, and social interaction, fun.

Without the occasion dollop of strangeness, and conflict, and inhibition, and general weird interaction, we'd all forget what it means to be a delicate human being.

So, that's that. We're all different and we're all a bit odd sometimes. Welcome it, and move on.

Here's another thing.

When somebody acts in a particularly strange way, it's easy to get angry. But that doesn't always help the situation. So here's a little trick you can use to become more open and understanding to the way those annoying, know-it-all people behave.

Bring to mind the person annoying you. Try thinking of the moment that person was born, and fast-forwarding through their life to the present. Understand everything that they've been through, everything that has helped transform that blank baby canvas into the individual they are now.

Perhaps a rough childhood gave them a hardened exterior. Maybe a lack of intimacy gave them a social awkwardness. Perhaps a failed romantic life gave them a passion for business success.

If you were in their shoes, and stepped through their life experiences, you'd end up the same way.

Right?

So, fast-forward through their life - and you'll find yourself sympathizing with how they are as people. They are the result of their life's experience. You'd be the same.

Do it for Hitler as an experiment. Even he was merely the result of his life's experiences, the outcome of having gone through life in the way he had. He probably didn't consider himself evil.

Think of a person that irks you in life.

Can you give them permission to be the person they are, right now? With their own life, and quirks, and weirdness? And their own "distorted" quest for happiness?

Can you give them permission to follow their own bliss?

Can you even just love them a little more to help them along the way?

Can you fast-forward through their life - and be a little more open to why they operate the way they do?

Try it. It might just help.

And remember that you'll never really understand anyone in this world. We're all a bit strange and kooky sometimes. That's life. It's what makes us individuals.

We may not agree with it, but that's how life works. Love them for being the crazy people they are, and love yourself for being the neurotic individual that you are for worrying about it.

When you truly realize that we're all different, with differing life experiences and motivations, you'll not only open up and be able to connect with others on an even deeper level, you'll also become less sensitive and more sociable.

So, be happy, accept these simple facts, and try to love everyone a little more - and you'll be granted one of the true gifts available on the self-development journey.

Labels: inspiration, self-development

The self-development world is a wonderful place.

But it's full of crazy misconceptions. Silly ideas about things that you must do or must experience in order to become truly self-realized.

This section is about realizing that these firm ideas are really nothing more than urban myths. It'll help you stop getting caught up in your own limited thoughts - and speed you down the freedom freeway.

To get started, let me tell you about a friend I have in London called Jin.

Now Jin is on the self-development journey. He's a seeker. He's looking for something.

Speaking to me just last week, he moaned: "I can't believe it. I've tried everything and nothing works. I've just left a month-long workshop in the States - and I just don't feel right. I've simply not had that big bang moment yet!"

Whoah. Crazy Misconception #1 In Progress.

You do not need an epiphany in order to enjoy freedom and the results of self-development. You do not need to be dramatically healed, or see an angel, or feel just so different.

Many people in the self-development world are waiting - as Jin put it - for that big bang. Until that occurs, they don't feel fixed.

Drop the foolishness. You don't need - and probably won't get - an epiphany. Get over it, and be free as you are right now.

Which leads us on to Crazy Misconception #2: You can't be fixed, because you aren't broken.

Many individuals that enter the world of self-development feel bad or wrong or poisoned in some way. They feel they've been broken - and that they need to be fixed.

Well, you are not broken. You're already whole and perfect as you are right now. There's absolutely nothing you need to change. You're only feeling limited by the limiting thoughts you hold in mind.

So stop trying to fix yourself. You are not broken.

Moving on to Crazy Misconception #3: Spiritual people give up their possessions.

Uhm. Sorry?

Many people in the world have the misguided belief that in order to be fully realized, they must give up their worldly goods. They gift their home to a Buddhist retreat and spend the rest of their lives meditating in a remote wooden hut.

Well, realize that it doesn't have to be that way.

You can be 100% spiritual and self-developed and free - while still living and operating in the modern world. It's the way of the cosmopolitan self-developed warrior.

The idea that you shouldn't have both cash and spiritual fulfilment is both antiquated and just plain wrong.

We all know that money can't buy you happiness. But it can certainly make things much easier.

So, be a living example of breaking that urban myth - and be a rich monk.

And that takes us to Crazy Misconception #4: You must meditate in order to be self-realized.

No way!

This is one of those crazy ideas perpetuated by hardcore Sedona residents that want nothing more but to sit in a circle and "Ohm" all day long. Personally, I indulge in some meditation - but getting my mind into a near lifeless state is something I'd prefer to reserve for when I'm dead.

If you want to meditate, then meditate. If you don't, then don't.

There's absolutely no reason you must meditate in order to truly discover your own freedom.

(If you're interested in meditation, I heartily recommend the Brain Evolution System as an 'advanced' meditation program. It's based on scientific brainwave research, and you can learn more at www.gobrainev.com.)

So, let's quickly review.

You don't need an epiphany. You're not broken. You don't need to throw away all of your money. You don't have to meditate. And this is just the beginning.

Think about your life right now.

What other rules, myths, superstitions, are you allowing to be imposed on your thinking?

What other things are you telling yourself that you must do in order to get where you're going?

What other rituals are you undertaking, just because others say that's what should be done?

Where are the beliefs you're subscribing to right now? And have you questioned them recently?

Do you avoid walking under ladders? Do you get nervous saying "Beetle Juice" thrice? Do you get worried about detail after swearing on somebody's life?

Drop the weird beliefs. They don't serve you.

Release, and set yourself free of your self-created prison.

Stop following the crazy rules, follow your bliss, and you'll be a self-developed, spiritually fulfilled, rich monk. And a better person for it.

Labels: inspiration, self-development

For thousands of years, human beings have been wonderful story tellers.

There's a built-in yearning to get sucked into a story, to get lost in the drama of the moment, to orate and share your own tales with the world.

Modern story tellers include movie producers and politicians, actors and artists, mothers and fathers. As a society, we respect and admire great story tellers. It's the reason films and television shows have become so immensely popular. They tell stories.

We each love our own stories, too.

I have a wonderful ghost story about a house I once lived in, which gets spookier and more intricate every time I tell it. It's guaranteed to make your hairs stand on end, and I revel in telling it.

But by far and away our most common types of story are the stories about ourselves.

We're great at sport. We're pretty good at karaoke, but get nervous if singing in front of family. We love tomatoes, but they really need to be cored - or they make us feel a bit sick. We keep falling back into abusive relationships, no matter how hard we try not to.

These are our own "mini-stories." And often, they're harmless enough.

It's when our stories start to hold us back that they become an issue...

"My name is Michael - and I'm an alcoholic."

"I'm Jason - and I'm a failed father, and drug addict."

"Yes, I'm Kyle - and I'm a homosexual with intimacy problems."

Sometimes, our stories restrict us.

They define us as a very particular type of person, and ensure that we're kept locked in our own self-created prison. Our stories pigeon-hole us.

Not only that, we also build on them - much like I do with my ghost story. We make them bigger and badder with each telling. We give the stories more power. Soon, our original stories become irrelevant - and our new stories take on a life of their own.

They eventually start to lead us, cripple us.

We carry the weight of our stories around with us each day. They stop us from achieving true freedom, they limit us to working a particular way - and yet we continue with the stories.

To use an Eastern term, our stories are our attachments.

However, not everyone lives like this.

Those that enjoy true freedom, individuals that are genuinely self-developed, know this simple fact:

You are not your story.

You're not!

Whatever amazing story you can tell about your terrible past, how you've always failed time and time again, how life has dealt you an unfair hand, how things were just plain wrong, how you can't break the addiction - you are still NOT your story.

Past results are not indicative of future performance.

What you were is not what you are.

It's just what happened to you. It's not YOU.

You are not your story. You are not your emotions. You are not your past.

And if you could just learn to let go of your story - you'd instantly release all of your baggage, and you could start today the way that you would like. Without limitation. Without issues. Without attachments. Without unwanted stories.

To some degree, our stories provide us with comfort. It's the devil you know. The sick safety blanket. They enable us to indulge in self-pity, and enjoy a little sympathetic attention. But it's pointless holding on to the story, because it's limiting you today.

So, make a decision right now to be the change you wish to see you in your life.

Let me repeat that, because it's exceptionally important:

Right now, make the decision to be the change you wish to see it your life.

Sit back and think of the stories you have formed about your life. All those great stories you have about how your marriage started falling apart in the early days, and how you've been rescuing it ever since. Great stories about the time you were bullied, and how it made you feel suicidal. Fantastic stories about how life sometimes stinks. Especially yours.

Think about one of your stories.

Then ask yourself: "Can I let this story go?"

Can I drop this story? (Even if it's a good one?) Can I release this story? Can I unclench the tight fist I have around this story? Can I let go of desperately holding on to it, and making it part of "me"?

And, if you can, just do it. Let go. Breathe out - and release. Feel it drop away.

Don't go into it. Don't try to analyze the details. Don't dig around to figure out the "hidden lesson." Just ask yourself if you can drop the story. And if you can, do it.

Because your story, really, is ultimately just that. A story.

People cling to stories because they think they give their life meaning.

Incorrect.

Life doesn't have meaning.

The meaning of life is the meaning you bring to life.

What meaning would you like your life to have?

Make a decision to shape your own story, starting today - and you'll discover a true freedom and happiness uncovering itself in your own wonderful life.

Labels: inspiration, self-development

Some years ago, I decided to take the introductory class at a local Buddhist retreat.

After much waiting, the Chief Guru serenely glided into the room, his bearded face lacking all emotion. He sat on the stool in front of the class, and slowly pieced together his words.

"What makes us happy?" he asked.

"My new trainers," answered the guy next to me. The Chief Guru told him he was wrong, and gave all the reasons why trainers didn't make you truly happy. This was an event clearly not sponsored by Nike.

He continued for a further two hours explaining why physical things couldn't make us happy. He conveyed the idea that, yes, indeed, happiness comes from inside.

Much head-nodding and middle-aged clucking later, everyone left. They'd all been fully instructed on the true meaning of happiness by Chief Guru - and were in awe of his wisdom.

But here's the thing.

During the whole experience, not a single person either laughed or smiled.

Nobody! Not the Chief Guru. Not the people attending the class.

Is that the kind of true self-enlightenment you'd like to experience?

Today's post is a reminder that you should make a decision to be happy. Regardless of what others tell you, what others do, or what's happening in the world around you.

You see, being happy is the ultimate goal of true self-development.

Those that aren't happy, aren't truly self-developed.

Learn to be happy with what you are, and what you have.

If you aren't happy with what you are, you won't be happy with what you'll become. If you aren't happy with what you have, you won't be happy with what you get.

So, make a pact with yourself right now to be happy.

Part of that is deciding to smile more. Deciding to love more. Deciding to laugh more. Deciding to love yourself more.

These things will each make you a happier person.

Because, let's admit it, you'll never be 100% self-developed. No way, Jose.

We're all a little bit screwed up in one way or another.

We're pedantic about the strangest of things. We have little quirks that other people find kooky. We obsess over detail, or beat ourselves up over the craziest of things.

Right?

Just for once, why don't you congratulate yourself on how great you are at making a mountain out of a molehill?

Why don't you give yourself a pat on the back for focusing on issues and "problems" that aren't really important?

Why don't you say well done to yourself for being so good at holding onto issues from your past?

Let's be honest: You're great at it! You do it better than anybody else!

You're flawed.

You're perfect.

So, smile, laugh, and love yourself for being the wonderful crazy person you are - and you'll take the greatest self-development step ever.

Ever wondered why the Dalai Lama laughs so much?

My belief is that he's recognized the hilarity of life, with all of its ups and downs, with all of earth's many inhabitants worrying about their small, crazy, funny little problems.

He's "zoomed out," and sees how adorable we all are. He sees the happiness behind our apparent veil of problems and issues.

So, again - make that decision to beat the crowd.

Smile, laugh, love yourself.

And you will achieve enlightenment.

Labels: inspiration, self-development